The Most Bizarre Incident of My Life

So, I realize that I still owe you 15 more things that you don't experience in America. It'll come , one day. For now, sit back and enjoy this story that almost told of my death.

Around 1:30 AM this morning, I was laying in bed and could not sleep. I decided that I would do some rounds around the blogosphere and catch up with the world. Upon visiting one friend's site, I found a preview for Lost, which will return on February 2nd. PTL.

This preview was rather intense with these flashes from throughout the previous 5 seasons. In the background was playing this rather creepy rendition of Amazing Grace. Towards the end of the preview I began hearing this flapping noise. I thought to myself, "Huh, that's odd." The preview then ended, but the flapping did not.

As the flapping increased in speed and noise, I began to think I was being attacked by some kind of evil spirit or something. It's the only thing my 1:30AM brain could come up with. I turned charismatic for a few seconds until I look up and there, flying around my room is a bat.

Yes, a BAT.

I jumped up out of the bed and attempted to turn on my light, which would not turn on. I had a pillow in my hand and ran into the living room. I could only get 1 small light to come on in there. I stood there, tried to collect my thoughts, and decide what to do.

Unfortunately, there was no time to think because the bat came into the living room. The only reaction I had was to start swinging at the bat. I suppose I was thinking that if I could knock the bat out or kill it, then I could more easily dispose of it. That was a mistake!

What I did not realize at the time, but now know, thanks to my good friend Kelly, is that bats really are blind so they follow shapes and light. As I began swinging at the bat with my pillow, the bat started diving towards me. It was all over at that point.

My heart began to pound, I was shaking, I was screaming like a little girl. I realized that swinging was doing nothing good, so I crouched down on the floor, hoping for a miracle, but ready for the sweet release of death. The bat flew out of the room.

As I stood there shaking, my heart pounding, my head spinning, it suddenly occurred to me, that the only thing I could do was open the window and hope for the best. So that I did. I turned on the light and opened the window. I stood in the kitchen and waited, crouched behind my pillow.

Thankfully, the bat came back into the living room and flew right out of the window. I, myself, was within inches of death. I was certain a heart attack was headed my way, but alas, I did not die. For hours I sat on my bed, wide awake, heart pounding, calling all the people who would give me the best reactions. I'm not sure I will ever be able to sleep again.

52 Things You Don't Experience in America (Part 3)

Dear Kat and other blog fans. I'm sorry that I haven't kept up with this as promised. Please enjoy and forgive me for my lack of diligence in the blogosphere!

27. Moon cakes: around the beginning of October is Mid-Autumn festival. It's something to do with the moon and something, but mostly it's just a time for families to get together and eat. During MAF, people give their friends and family moon cakes. These are small tasteless cake like things with gross stuff in the middle. There is a LOT of lard and other goo in the ingredients. The fillings can be a mixture of different things. Some fillings are: fruit, nuts, meat, fish, and various and sundry pastes made out of various and sundry flora and fauna. Many moon cakes have an egg yolk in the middle of them to represent the moon. The closest thing in America to moon cakes is fruit cakes. Somehow you always get them, but who in the world eats them???

28. Fake KFC: any small town worth it's rice crop here has a fake KFC. Some are SKETCHY and some are rather nice. I've seen MFC, DFC, McKonkey's, Dinko's, and many more. If you ever find yourself at one, it's probably safest to go with the fried chicken sandwich. More often than not, the ice cream is pretty good as well.

29. Overnight trains and buses: I'm willing to bet that most readers of this blog who live in America but haven't done extensive or cheap traveling around the globe have never ridden on an overnight train or an overnight bus. There are more people who use trains here than any other country in the world. Now, grant it, there are more people in this country than any other place in the world, but that's beside the point. You probably aren't surprised by overnight trains, but have you ever seen an overnight bus with beds? It's actually quite nice. You step into the bus, remove your shoes and then there are bunk beds up and down the bus. Some are 3 rows of beds and others are just 2 rows of beds with both kinds having a top and a bottom bunk. It's fairly easy to sleep on an overnight train because it gets into a rhythm fairly quickly. To sleep on an overnight bus, I have to be nearly dead. Either way, it's an experience!

30. Parks that won't let you use the grass: most of the time, unless there's a special event, many parks do not want you playing sports on the grass. This could be why they don't play American football. Afterall, would you want to get tackled on the cement sidewalk? Why will they not let you play on the grass? Who the heck knows, my guess is that using the grass to have fun is the most logical thing, so clearly the rule has to be the opposite.

31. Dryer-less lives: Does anyone that's not Amish not have a dryer in America? My dryer here consists of a balcony and a piece of rope. It's horrid for the following reasons a) this country has a smell all it's on, so hanging your clothes outside is detrimental to your nose b) at certain times, the humidity is roughly 178% and that makes drying almost impossible c) your clothes do not lose their wrinkles like the majority of clothes do in the dryer. I have 3 reasons for wanting a decent paycheck when I move back to America: food, car, dryer. I maybe living in my car, but darn it, I'm gonna have a dryer!

32. Service with a smile: while this still exists in pockets in America, the last time I was there it was a rarity. Here, bad service is a rarity. I have been blown away at what people will do and how far they will go out of their way to serve whether that's at a restaurant, hotel, or almost anything else. Plus, they do all this with no tipping. Excellent.

33. Massage places: I mentioned in an earlier post that haircuts come with a massage, but there are also places you can go to get full body massages for just a few dollars. The place I go to is what we refer to as the "blind massage place" because a majority of the workers are blind. While this sounds creepy, it's actually some of the best massages I've ever had and it's not sketch at all (like say, when you get a massage in Thailand!).

34. Hot water when it's cold: In America, when the weather changes and you go to a restaurant that serves water first, it's always cold. Why else would it not be? Culturally, it's believed here that if you drink cold things when the weather is the least bit cool to freezing, then you will get very sick. Thus... as soon as the weather drops it's hot water! When I came before I thought this was odd. Today I went to a restaurant and ordered some food to go. They gave me a glass of hot water as I waited. I was so happy for it. I'm becoming quirky and I'm scared...

35. Genuine imitation clothing: Any market, or man with a blanket on the sidewalk, usually sells knock off name brand clothes. With just a small amount of love and care you can keep these imitations for just as long as the real thing and no one will ever know! If you're REALLY lucky then you can find "for import" clothes that are messed up, but still more than wearable. For instance, I own a pair of "Caivin Kien" jeans!

36. Sketch hotels: So... there's this hotel here that's showers are clear, and in the middle of the room. I personally have never seen these, but have heard from many witnesses. As far as I can tell, you walk into the room, and there, in the middle of the room is this clear glass case like thing with a shower inside. It's one thing to shower in a gym locker room... it's a whole other ball game when you're the only one showering like you were a monkey in a zoo.

37. Sweets that aren't sweet: When you walk in the bakery and check out the cakes and other pastries it is a delight. The real problem begins though when you bite into it. There is a tremendous lack of sugar. There's a Friend's episode where Monica gets a job creating recipes for a new product called "Mocolate," a synthetic chocolate. When Phoebe takes a bite of Monica's mocolate chip cookies she says, "Ew! This is what evil must taste like!" I think about that all the time when I bite into these unsweet cakes or pastries.

38. Ladies playing the gourd on the corner to make money: No lie, there's a lady that sits on the corner 2 blocks up that plays the gourd. She's high class... it has a microphone and everything. Sometimes I wish I had majored in gourd in college. I think living life as a gourdist would be extravagant. Without question, your Christmas party would play my gourd tunes just after Kenny G's.

39. Banks without lines: When you use the bank here you take a number. It's really great, actually, because it means that you can go to the "next available counter." It's also a wonderful way to learn numbers. Where else are you going to learn to count to 2378?

52 Things You Don't Experience in America (Part 2)

14. Everyday trash pick up: Here, the trash is picked up, not just everyday, but twice everyday! Grant it, everyone lives in apartments and the trash bags are smaller than the kind you keep in your office in America, so it's a must, but it's still awesome. My trash receptacle is 9 steps down from my door. I average .986 on ringing the bucket without ever leaving my apartment!

15. Trash cans for #2 toilet paper waste: Heaven forbid that the western toilets be able to handle toilet paper disposal. Some can. Mine cannot. I have a poop pail right next to my toilet. It's kind of gross really. But, thanks to #14 (above), it doesn't have to stay for very long! 99.9999% of squatty potties cannot handle toilet paper either, so there are trash cans (sometimes) associated with those as well.

16. Family style dining: Most often, when you go to a restaurant, you order several dishes that are to be shared by everyone. The tables are usually round and have a lazy susan in the middle so those dining can have easy spin action access to all the dishes. Every person has their own little bowl, and you just pick out a little at a time. No one knows how much you eat. It's fantastic really. I WILL have a round table and we WILL have a lazy susan. It's great, really!

17. Noodle shops: One thing about this place that I love is the over abundance of noodle shops. There are a billion different noodles: rice, flour, wheat, Muslim, and the list goes on. They come in a bowl, there's some vegetableish something, there's some spices, there's some meat. They are delicious. More often than not, the sketchier the restaurant looks, the better their noodles are.

18. Red lanterns and other decorations: At least in my city, and I assume the same is true throughout, this place goes ALL OUT (well, sorta) with decorations for holidays. Just recently we have celebrated National Day and Mid-Autumn Festival. The trees on the main streets are covered with red paper lanterns, the streets have tons of potted flowers set in unique shapes and designs, and "art" has been added in several places. Christmas decorations will come out in mid December or so. They are not good ones! You know when you go to the dollar store and you see all the really cruddy decorations at Christmas and you think to yourself, "Who buys this mess?" The answer: ASIA. This country is like one big trailer park puttin' on the dog for Christmas. After Christmas comes New Year. EVERYONE decorates for the Lunar New Year. There's lots of reds, lots of mandarin orange bushes/trees, and lots of other great things like smoldering incense and sugar cane. Maybe I'll make it a goal to post some pics.

19. Western food that really isn't Western: In America, when you go to an "ethnic" restaurant, more often than not, it's relatively close. Now, I say this, and at the same time think, "But that's not really true for Chinese food." Anyway, there are some "Western restaurants" here that make a good stab at Western food, but just fall short. Maybe you do experience this in America. Maybe all my ethnic foods experiences have been lies in the culinary world. Maybe I'll never appreciate ethnic food again. Maybe I'll be in counseling when I'm 30 (which, dang it! isn't that far away) and confess, "It all started with #19!" Maybe Elbert is right, "That's not a taco!"

20. $1.32 cans of Dr. Pepper: That's right, I pay $1.32 for Dr. Pepper. I was without it for so long, and now I have it, and it's going to make me homeless. Wow, if I end up living here, I might squander my future children's education fund on Dr. Pepper.

21. Joy over McDonald's, KFC, Pizza Hut, and others: So here, these are our 3 Western Restaurants. At any given moment in time in America, I wouldn't really head to these first. Although, I do like McDonald's every once in a while. However, it's sometimes a special treat to have these. What's really amazing though, are trips to great places like Hong Kong, Thailand, and others that have REAL restaurants such as California Pizza Kitchen (SWEET TEA!!), T.G.I. Fridays, Western Sizzler, and a plethora of other greats. You should really have seen the joy in this kid as he drank an unlimited refills sweet tea and ate a BBQ chicken salad from CPK. I cried at one point! Have you ever cried over a salad and sweet tea? I bet you haven't...

22. Electric bikes with more than 2 people: Now, electric bikes already have ego issues, so I'm really not doing any favors by adding something about them twice, but this is great. There's nothing like seeing a family of 4 and their dog zooming down the street on an electric bike. It's exciting.

23. Dead animals on the back of bicycles and other 2 wheeled vehicles: Yesterday, I was standing at a red light waiting to cross the street. The man on his bike next to me had 2 plastic bags filled with dead, whole (including head and feet) chickens. It was amazing. My favorite dead animal to see on these 2 wheelers is pigs. Often I see deboned pigs slung on the back of motorcycles. It's awesome! They flap up and down as they go. MMM pork!

24. Chicken and duck feet for snack: Asians LOVE to gnaw on the feet of innocent poultry. I'm not quite sure how they are cooked, or what there is to eat on the foot of a bird, but they LOVE them. Here's a piece of useless trivia to help you sleep better at night. Did you know that Tyson Chicken is the #1 importer of chicken feet? No lie.

25. 1.6 Billion people staring at you or saying "Hello! Hello! Hello!" as you walk down the street: every time I go out I get "Hello!" at least 5-10 times. It's great. When I travel to smaller towns/villages, I feel as though I should wave and throw out candy.

26. High heels on 92.6924% of the women: High heels here say, "I don't work in the fields," so much women wear them. The sidewalks are not even. I trip all the time. How do these women not die? Can we say, "Thank you, Lord, for making me a man!"

52 Things You Don't Experience in America (Part 1)

Well, I've lived in this country for a year now! In honor of that, I thought I'd make a list of things you don't experience in America. I'll give you 52, one for each week I've been here. They don't coincide with the weeks... I just didn't want to make a list of 100, so I'll give you 52 in no order. I have ADHD, so it'll be in parts. Here's the first 13...

1. Squatty Potties: If you think toilets are the same all over the world, you don't know squat!! In the majority of the world, toilets are mere holes in the floor. Some are rather nice, made of porcelain, and flush. Others, say in villages and such, are holes in the ground next to the pig sties. Here's a few tips to using the squatter...

1) DON'T SIT ON THE SQUATTY!!

2) Do squat exercises starting at least 2 months prior to leaving America. It's not easy!!

3) Work on your built in body compass. You've GOT to make sure both holes involved line up.

4) Figure out what to do with your pants now! You DON'T want them to touch the floor, and you DEFINITELY DON'T want to miss the squatty and hit your pants. When all else fails, rip those suckers off (Yes, I've squattied pantsless!!)

5) If you're a man, load up on pepto and imodium. With any luck, you'll only have to stand, not squat!

2. Lunar New Year Fireworks: I know what you're thinking, "Come on man, we have fireworks here." Oh you do, do you? At the stroke of midnight on Lunar New Year's Eve 1.6 billion people set off fireworks. By 12:05 AM, you cannot see 10 feet in front of you due to the smoke. There are more fireworks shot off here, than America has seen on every 4th of July combined since July 4th, 1776.

3. Split Pants: Diapers are a rarity here. Within a few months of a child's life, families begin "potty training," so to speak. All children (toddler and younger) wear clothes with splits in the appropriate places. When the parents think it's time to go, they hold the baby, spread it's legs, and go "ssssssssssssssssssss" in the baby's ear. In turn, the baby goes. This can take place ANYWHERE. Over the squatty, on the sidewalk, anywhere. When I say ANYWHERE, I mean it. I've even seen a child pee in a plastic bag on a city bus. Split pants are worn all year too. It's actually quite sad to see a child all bundled up in the winter and then their little hinies red from the cold.

4. Shower heads w/o stalls: More often than not, the "shower" is simply a faucet on the wall. The bathroom gets soaked. I've lived here long enough, that if the bathroom is not soaked in the morning when I'm getting ready, it just doesn't feel right.

5. Bamboo scaffolding: It's everywhere! Unless a high rise is being built, most of the time, the scaffolding is made out of bamboo. There's a weight limit though: 140 lbs!

6. The wet market: This is another experience that happens all over the world. The easiest way to describe this is to get you to picture the farmer's market. Now, soak the floor (or ground down), multiply the people by a few hundred, and add dead animal carcasses. There's nothing like fresh produce and meat, but it is gross! For a fun description of an experience I had at the wet market, read my Chicken Lady post.

7. 7th story apartment without an elevator: Enough said! Is this even legal in America?

8. No central heating and air: We do have wall units that are similar to window units. I live in the deep south, so heat is rare, but I do personally have heat.

9. Concrete... everything: Here, the main material used in building houses is concrete. The floors, the walls, the ceilings, everything is concrete. Laminate flooring and some paint is added, but everything is still mostly concrete. It TRAPS the cold like nobody's business. Want to hang a picture? Be prepared to drill or hammer for HOURS. But hey, you're pretty safe in a fire, which is good for New Years when they set off fireworks in the stairwells.

10. 1.6 billion bicycles: They even have their own lane, but that doesn't matter. Why? Well, let me tell you, dear blog reader. Let me begin by stating that there are 2 types of bicycles, regular and electric. Electric bicycle owners unfortunately think they have the option of deciding when their electric bike is a mere bicycle, and when it is an automobile. During peak traffic times, bicyclers ride on the sidewalk. Electric bicyclers FLY down the sidewalk blaring their horn. IT'S THE SIDEWALK PEOPLE!!! AS IN, THAT THING THAT WE WALK ON TO THE SIDE OF THE STREET!!!!

11. Rice: Again, I realize you have rice in America. But do you have it everyday, 3 times a day? Thankfully rice tastes better on chopsticks, and sometimes, when you're craving 2000 of something, rice is the only thing that's feasible.

12. Sketchy internet: Stop complaining about all that high speed stuff you've got across the pond.

13. Hair cut/Massage combo: I've discussed this before, but hair cuts involve 2 shampoos AND a massage. Oh man... is there a better way to spend $3.00???

Check back later for Part 2!!

Happy First Birthday, Blog!

I just wanted to point out that my blog is 1 year old today. That's all really.

Buying Chicken

Buying Chicken Breasts in America:

On any typical day in America, you might think to yourself, "Hmm, I'd like to fix chicken tonight." In response to your need, you hop in the car and drive to Publix (for you Alabamian friends) or Kroger (you other people). You spend 5, 15, 30, 90 minutes circling the parking lot looking for a good spot. You park. You walk back to the meat section and you stand over a vast array of chicken breasts neatly washed, deboned, skinned, and packed into a nice little styrofoam tray, plastic wrapped, and stuck with a price tag. You get the bagger boy to put it in a separate bag because, heaven forbid, you spread salmonella cooties and cause a pandemic in your 1500 sq foot kitchen.

Upon your arrival home, you park in the garage... begrudgingly walk from the basement to the first floor up the steps and begin the cooking process. You roll your sleeves up, get out your double bagged chicken, and make an awkward face as you get it into whatever cooking means you choose as quickly as possible. You then coat the house 7 or 8 times with Lysol, clorox, and comet cleanser.

You consume. You wash the kitchen again, just in case.

Buying Chicken Breasts Here:

Well, there is no Publix or Kroger, and Wal-Mart chicken is kinda of odd, so thankfully your friend has told you about and introduced you to the Chicken Lady at the wet market across the street.

wet market: a creepy "outdoor" market, indoors that sells fresh fruits, vegetables, and meat off of dead animal carcasses. The floor is always strangely wet, and if you were to slip and fall, it would be best to run towards the sweet release of death as quickly as possible.

Chicken Lady, who, by the way, wears dresses, high heels, and a grungy apron, is excellent because she will let you order chicken by bulk and JUST the chicken breast, which her chicken selling colleagues will, in fact, not do. She will even debone the chicken breasts for you. (Do be sure to take the bones with you though, she finds it odd if you don't!)

To order chicken breasts, Chicken Lady prefers that her foreign customers call her the night before. However, this white kid has horrible language, particularly over the phone where he cannot motion with his hands. So, he goes just before closing to Chicken Lady's stand and says something like the following:

White Kid: "Hello!"

Chicken Lady: "Hello Hello! Have you eaten? How are you?"

WK: "Good! Tomorrow, I want chicken, uh..." At this point, WK forgets the word for breasts, so he just points to his own (albeit nonexistent) breasts.

CL: At this point, Chicken Lady points to her girls and says, "Breasts?"

WK: Slightly embarrassed, but mostly amused at the sight of this encounter between foreigner and local... "Uh, yes, 10."

CL: "Ok! What time?"

WK: "10:00am" Only, he knows they won't be ready by then, so he'll show up closer to 11:00am

CL: "Good Good!"

WK: "Thank you! Good bye!"

CL "Don't mention it!! Goodbye!"

The next day you go visit Chicken Lady to pick up your chicken breasts. If you're lucky, she has already deboned them, and today she had! She weighs them, and then tells you the price. You pray "PLEASE LET ME HAVE EXACT CHANGE!!!" You don't. You hand her money. Her grimy chicken goo hands hand you back change. You put it in your pocket and mentally label it "chicken money." You take your bag of chicken and you go home.

By "go home" it means you walk back down and across the street, climb 6 flights of stairs to the 7th floor. You don't complain, because, after all, this is the 1 billionth time you've done this in the past year. Ok, you complain a little. It's like 20lbs of chicken.

Once you get home, it's time to clean it up. You cut the whole chicken breasts into 2 halves. You take the skin off. You gag a few times because it's gross. You wash your hands 2425425 times, and you take breaks often because it's gross. You bag it in a ziplock. You freeze it. You disinfect your kitchen. You think, "I can't wait to buy chicken in America!"

Walmart...Read: Death Trap!

I hate Walmart. Only, I think that hate is not a strong enough word. Unfortunately, I also love Walmart because there are things that I can get there, that cannot be found elsewhere. The problem with Walmart is that Asians have no idea how to shop there. In fact, Walmart is the antithesis to Asian culture.

Walmart is known for it's "one stop shopping," read "efficient," read "should be quick and easy." As a point of reference, the only time Asians get in a hurry is when public transportation is involved. That is getting on a crowded bus, embarking/disembarking a plane, and boarding a train. At Walmart, and most other places, Asians are super slow and "sui bian" or "go with the flow/whatever."

When I go to Walmart, I have a plan. I know what I want to buy. If there is something that I don't know if Walmart sells and want to check, I plan for that as well. I think "hmm... where might that item be located?" I get an idea. I go. I glance. I find or I don't find. I keep moving. Asians do not plan when they go to Walmart. They go for the experience. They saunter. They look at everything. They don't keep moving.

In America, Walmart is huge. It's one level. And you could get lost. In Asia, at least at mine, Walmart is 2 levels. It is not huge. Can you see where I am going with this? 1.6 billion people sauntering, experiencing, looking, NOT MOVING, in just 2 small stories. It is a death trap.

One day, my friends, you will read the international news and this will be the headline, "American's Brain Explodes in East Asian Walmart"

How was that Brad B?

The Love of My Life: A Poem

I love her with all of my heart.

This isn't just because she's smart!

She has a beautiful soul,

She ceaselessly makes me whole!

Although her love is mostly sporadic,

My love for her makes me an addict.

For even though she rarely comes by,

Her presence here gives me a high.

Rumor has it my True Love is coming!

You better believe that news sends me humming

A song so loud and clear,

She'll no doubt know that I am right here.

Who is this lover you inquire,

Whose 23 flavors do inspire?

Dr. Pepper is her name,

Her taste will light my flame!

That's right! The new import store has Dr. Pepper on the way and that means it's here to stay!!

Per Request of Erin in Ukraine...

So... my friend Erin told me today that I needed to update my blog. I don't really have any good stories, though. In an effort to please the fans at a time of blogger's block, I will post some great things about the place I live...

1. TCBY. That's right, a recent discovery. I don't know why I didn't know this was here, but it is. I almost cried when I saw it I was so happy!

2. Trash pick up. Everyday. More than once.

3. Friendly people. As a general rule, the people here are great. There are "those people," but as a whole, great bunch of folks!

4. Showers. I know what you're thinking, "Most people have showers." But here's the thing. The heat index outside is hotter 'an blue blazes, so inside it's about the temp of blue blazes. Showers have to happen multiple times and I'm just thankful that they do.

5. Drink stands every 5 or 6 feet. Nice

6. David's. A drink stand... kinda of like Sonic, but not at all. It still deserves it's own number though.

7. Wal-Mart x2.

8. Fresh vegetables all year. They have pumpkins all year as well. Mmm... pumpkin bread!

9. Great restaurants. Particularly one around the corner... Xian Shan... good stuff.

10. Service oriented. It's great...

11. Cooking with gas... so much better than electricity.

12. Cheap stuff: haircut= $3; massage= $4; bottle of water= $.30; McDonald's ice cream= $.36

Ok, 12 is enough. Happy blogging!

101 Reasons why you shouldn't leave home without your camera...

Let me paint you a picture. Close your eyes. Put yourself in Asia.

It's Sunday night. You're a strange kid with a little dose of OCD. At 8 o'clock you think to yourself, "You know what, I want a haircut." Now that the thought is in your head, you realize you NEED a haircut and if you don't get one, it will drive you crazy. (Ok, crazier) So, off you go, down your 6 flights of stairs, out the  gate, and across the street to the salon.

Upon entering the salon you put on your "semi-dumb American" facial expression and, in more of a question tone than what's actually right, you say "Wo yao lifa" and then nod your head as if you know what they are saying back to you. You get excited, my friend, because at this point you realize that the hair washing begins. After a good 10 minute wash and rinse you go sit in the chair and the haircut takes place. Afterwards, you get about a 5 minute wash and then your hair is blown dry. You pay. You leave. You are satisfied because haircuts have become MUCH more about the experience than the actual cut, which, let's be honest, isn't the best in the world. You paid $2.23 so "whatever."

As you walk towards the street you realize, "Man, I want an ice cream cone from McDonald's!" You continue walking and get about 1/4 of the way there and realize "Ehh, I don't want to walk all the way there, plus I'm starting to get hungry and I've already eaten there this week and I'll end up buying a double cheese burger, hold the cheese." You're now just down from the grocery store, so you decide to go in.

As you disembark from the escalator you suddenly think, "This was a stupid mistake. I should have gone for the ice cream." Luckily the Lord is looking out for you and unknowingly, this will indeed NOT be a mistake. You don't know that yet, however, so your negative thoughts continue as follows: "1.6 billion people in this country and 2.6 are in here. There have got to be less tragic ways to die than 'Trampled By Angry Asian Mob in Search for Hot Deals'" But, alas, you get your laundry detergent, coke, and loofah and go to the check out. 

You are relieved. The line was pretty short and all in all it only took about 20 minutes. You head out of the store, show your receipt, and dig for the cold bottle of coke you purchased impulsively and head up the escalator. To your delight you hear what seems to be a catchy song and possibly an event taking place on the outside of the store. (Point of clarification... when you entered the store, you went in the back. You are now exiting the front. Thus, you did not hear said catchy song upon arrival.)

As you reach the top of the escalator and turn to exit the store you realize that the song you are hearing sounds like something that should be played after "Bolero" and before "Malaguena" in the musical Blast! and then you see it: all 101 reasons why you shouldn't leave home without your camera wrapped into 1 huge reason.

Yes, on stage is a little girl (about 7) with braided pig tails in a sparkling red dress. Her smile goes from ear to ear. You blink your eyes to make sure you are not dreaming. As you open them, you realize that yes, she is, in fact, playing a set of drums to the music you are hearing.  

This, friend, is why your camera should be as much a part of your ensemble as your clothes.

   

So this one time I had a blog...

Ok, so I am one of the worst bloggers out there. I never keep up with this thing. So... here's several blog worthy moments wrapped into one. You can read it in segments and that way you'll think I'm updating regularly. 

Ten Clues It's Summer Here...

1. You don't remember the last time you wore socks and your feet have the tan lines for your chacos, teva flip flops, and crocs. 

2. You refuse to go to anything that would call for you wearing pants.

3. The heat index is higher than the average 3rd grader can count. 

4. You've taken up swimming everyday, not because there's a pool, but because with the humidity as high as it is, it's just more practical to SWIM through the air than WALK on the ground.

5. You are beginning to hate people who have central air conditioner. That's right, hate. Jealousy was back somewhere around April 3rd or so. 

6. Every Asian man who is above 30 and has a beer belly rolls their shirt up to where just their bellies are sticking out. You contemplate doing this, but you realize that A. you're white and B. you have more hair on your stomach than all the men in your complex have combined.

7. You can literally smell people from 10 feet away and you KNOW that if you had to give up one of your 5 senses it would be smell with no questions asked.

8. You're starting to forget what it feels like to be completely dry, because most of the time you're wet with sweat. MMMM...sweat.

9. You don't take a hot shower. Well, that is you don't use the hot water heater, but the water is hot because the pipe runs outside. 

10. You're pretty much "not fresh" by the time you walk out your gate, if you make it that far.

So Ryan and Bradley came to town...

This past week 2 friends from home made the trip over the Pacific. We had ALOT of fun. Here's some snippets...

HK... great city, lots of fun, lots of food, lots of sights!

Fever problems at the border, have no fear, we got through...

$0.36 McDonald's ice cream at least every other day, sometimes more

Ryan got locked in the bathroom...

Bradley busted down bathroom door to get Ryan out

Ryan was behind on Lost... we watched almost a full season...

We laughed. We ate. We laughed some more. We ate some more.

Alright folks. Two whole blogs in one. Be happy. Peace out blogspot.

Electrician Lady

Electrician lady... replacing light switch... all the power is still on... will she be fried? It's like watching the discovery channel or something! I'll keep you updated...

Southern Comfort

Well, I think I successfully proved that you can take a boy out of the South, but you can't take the South out of the boy. Here's why...

Proof #1 

I was semi fussy when I woke up this morning, nothing out of the ordinary, so out of instinct I grabbed my Alabama shirt and put it on. I almost grabbed my Bama hat, but quickly realized that since I was not going to a sporting event, 2 Alabama articles of clothing might be too much. None-the-less, my Alabama shirt made me very happy today.

Proof #2

For dinner tonight I cooked BBQ ribs, baked beans, and corn on the cob. I would have made cornbread, but my oven isn't the biggest (although, thankfully bigger than most here!) and I didn't want to take the time to wait on the cornbread after everything had already cooked. The ribs were absolute perfection! I covered the corn in butter, and the baked beans were really good as well.

Proof #3 (I'm almost ashamed to admit this)

When it was time to clean up from dinner, I was in the mood to listen to music. I went straight for Rascal Flats, followed by "Sweet Home Alabama," and then that shady song "All Summer Long."

Proof #4

The sweat tea is brewing as we speak... I failed to remember to make it in time for dinner!

Proof #5

I ENJOYED EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT!!!

So... when I was in high school, I'm reluctant to admit that I simply hated the state of Alabama. Turns out I was an IDIOT in high school.  I love the South. I love the smell of summer in the South. I love the roaring football-filled days in the fall of the South . I love how Christmas decorations cover yards filled with dead leaves and grass rather than snow in the winter in the South. I love the sweet smell of wild honeysuckle in the late spring in the South. I love how tonight somehow turned into an ode to the South. And I love how one day my crimson blood will flow quickly as my heart races because once again I've stepped onto Southern ground!

Only one Southern treasure would have made this day better. Care to venture a guess??

It's hot...

...and I started sweating pretty much all the time a week or so ago. I'll let you know when I stop. Gross thought? At least I use deodorant! When I worked in Savannah, GA, one summer I had to take a shower when I thought about opening the door. Here, you need another shower before you get out of the one you're in!! 

Bamboo... Truly a Miracle

Today at lunch I began a discussion with some of my friends about the amazing versatility of bamboo. Below is a list of things you can do with bamboo. Sit back, enjoy, and be amazed at the "wonder plant."

1. You can eat the stuff and it's pretty good I must say. Today we had bamboo shoots and pork! 

2. You can make scaffolding with it. ALL scaffolding here is bamboo. You might recall a Rush Hour quote: "Chinese bamboo very strong!"

3. You can use it to beat people with. Grant it, that's not a happy thought, but who made the claim that all facts were happy? (Not sugar coating life is my gift. What can I say?)

4. You can build a house with bamboo. A pretty good one too! 

5. You can make a mat to sleep on. 

6. You can use them as stakes for your tomato (or whatever) plants.

7. You can fashion cooking tools to cook with bamboo.

8. You can make bamboo chopsticks.

9. You can make seat covers for your car.

10. You can fashion dishes such as cups and plates.

11. You can burn bamboo to cook or to stay warm in the winter.

12. You can grow a thicket of bamboo to block out noise. 

13. You can make a bamboo picture frame.

14. You can make a bamboo instrument to play as you sit around your bamboo fire, cooking your bamboo to eat.

15. You can feed bamboo to your pet panda. Although, I must admit, I have a feeling that having a panda as a pet might put you in jail and might make #3 a reality in your life.

16. You can fashion a pipe to hold your plant of choice to smoke. 

17. You can own bamboo as simply a plant which gives off aesthetic value and allows you to complete upper levels of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

18. You can use bamboo leaves to fashion clothes. After all, if Eve was able to fashion garments out of fig leaves, I'm certain bamboo leaves would work as well. 

19. For you Lost fans out there, you can tie former foreign military men to a tree and shove pieces of bamboo under their fingernails until they produce the answers to your questions. 

20. Bamboo can be used as a walking cane.

21. I'm certain that dogs would be willing to use a stick of bamboo as a toy to fetch with. 

22. Bamboo can also be used to make furniture. In fact, I own a bench made entirely out of the stuff. 

23. You can make a ladder out of bamboo

24. Bamboo, in the hands of the right cobbler, can be made into shoes.

25. Bamboo can also be made to make very pleasing wind chimes.

There you go! You can do almost anything with bamboo really. Economic times hit you hard? Find a few seeds of bamboo and grow yourself a successful future!! Money may not grow on tress, but bamboo IS a tree! 

If a dream is a wish your heart makes...

...then my heart hates me! 

So, a few weeks ago I went to Macau to visit a good friend and take some time off. While we were together we discussed language learning and how it was going for the both of us. He told me that he recently had been having dreams in the language he's learning. I assured him that I would NEVER be at the point that I could actually dream in another language.

Well, looks like I often use the word "never" in place of "really soon." Yesterday, as I was taking a nap I found myself in a dream completely in my 2nd language. There was a conversation going on and then just lists and lists of vocabulary everywhere. I tried and tried to wake up for the longest time. It was like the dream where you are drowning, but you just can't seem to get back to the top!! 

Some have said this is a good sign, that I'm making progress. I tend to think that once again my heart has chosen to betray me... (see Dr. Pepper posts)

Dr. Pepper: A Continuing Saga of that Texan Jewel

Dec. 8th, 2008... I awoke at 4:00AM to watch Alabama get slaughtered by the Florida Gators in the SEC Championship. Although I love Alabama football more than I love some of my friends, I still needed a little boost to wake me up and keep me alert. I sauntered into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and took out the last Dr. Pepper. Within 20 minutes I had downed every drop, not yet realizing that Dr. Pepper would vacate my life for 4 months. 

April 6, 2009... At 7:18AM I walked into Macau. Just days earlier, my good friend vowed we would find Dr. Pepper. Over the past 4 months I had dreamed of that canned liquid love. There were days when I imagined that glorious unmatched taste pour into my mouth and slide down the back of my throat, reviving my un-energized body into a frenzy of joy. 

On the afternoon of the 6th day of April, we walked into the store. There was ONE Dr. Pepper left. I grabbed it up like it was the holy grail. I carried it like a newborn baby, fresh in the world. We walked to a park, sat down on a bench, and I thanked the good Lord above for the sweet can of manna in my hands. I grabbed the pop top to open it...and it BROKE. Satan and his band of idiots had snatched away my happiness. My good friend, who now deserves a million dollars, pounded on the can until it opened. I smiled, and began to slowly immerse myself back into the wonderful world of Dr. Pepper. 

Within minutes my body began to shake. I could have run all the way to Birmingham and back. It was a glorious feeling! To be honest though, it was a little much. I began to question the foundations of the earth. Had my body betrayed my heart's desire to drink in one of life's great blessings? I left Macau without another sip of Dr. Pepper, with that question lingering in my head.

April 13, 2009... At 5:05PM I walked into a western grocery store here in the city. They had just received a new shipment of products. I scanned the new selections and saw a shelf full of V8. Upon closer glance, there in the front row, tucked between two horrific cans of liquified tomatoes stood a Diet Dr. Pepper can. Before I knew it, it was in my hands. Was my body betraying the true crimson can for the less true white can? 

I walked home, put the can in the refrigerator, and left it for another day. For days I pondered what my body would think of this DIET drink. Was it worthy? Could the commercials be true? Does it taste like the real thing?

April 15, 2009... This day marked 6 months in the country. A place that, in case you haven't been reading, does not have an abundance of Dr. Pepper. I thought to myself, how should I celebrate? I walked to the refrigerator and reached for the Diet Dr. Pepper can. I sat down, opened the can, and took a sip. I took another sip. It was just how I remembered Dr. Pepper back home.

It's true ladies and gentlemen. After just 6 months in a country that does not like sugar, my body has betrayed my heart and longs for Diet Dr. Pepper!! 

P.S. I have tried Diet Coke and Coke Zero. These are still NASTY diet drinks in my book! 

Now I'm all nervous...

So, there has been quite a bit of chatter over my Billy stories! I'm at a loss as to what to blog about now. I set the bar to high, and I just can't beat myself. I will try to find a good story to post soon!

Billy...A Must Read

I met Billy just over 2 weeks ago. Billy is a special needs guy that now works in my tutor's shop. I don't have a problem with special needs people, but I will be honest and say that I am mildly uncomfortable around them. I can handle most of them in America, since they speak English and all they really want is a good friend, but the one (I've only met Billy) in this country speaks a foreign language (mostly, story to follow) and I'm just not quite sure how to react...

My first encounter with Billy...

On a rather sunny afternoon, I walked into my tutor's shop for my lesson. There, in the shop, sat Billy. Billy began speaking to me in his language. I froze. This is no different than most encounters with foreign speakers, other than it was escalated by about 10x. I knew there was no way for me to ever understand a single word Billy would say to me. I am really trying to hide my body language, but at this point in my life, it usually wins out. I just looked at my tutor, who translated...a little! 

My Tutor and I began our lesson and Billy wanted to join in. He stood right over me. I can't stand for people to do that. I don't care who you are! Thankfully, my tutor told him to sit down and then encouraged him to go take a nap! I was saved for the most part that day!

The story isn't over yet though! During the break...my favorite part of language learning...Billy came and stood by me and began talking. I just stared. I really had no clue as what to do. Then, out of the blue, Billy started talking to me in English. It was quite the ego boost when I realized this guy who had serious problems could speak both his language and English! 

My second encounter with Billy...

Last Tuesday was a horrible culture shock day! Part of that culture shock can, unfortunately, be linked to Billy. I was in the midst of a really hard lesson where none of the right sounds would come out of my mouth. Billy, out of curiosity of my butchering of the language, came and stood right behind me again. He hunched over so that he could see my workbook, placed his hand on my back, and breathed in my ear, sounding like a dog who has rabies. 

To begin with...as stated earlier, the whole standing right behind me thing is WAY more than I can handle. I realize that most Asians just don't have a bubble, but I as an American with serious sensory issues still have one. I love to be close to the ones I love, but even they need to be at my side or in front, NOT RIGHT OVER MY SHOULDER!! Second of all, one of the first rules of dealing with those with sensory issues (i.e. ME) is NEVER touch them from the back when you the toucher cannot be easily seen. This makes my body want to explode. I normally am a pretty touchy feely guy. I love a good hug. I love being close with my friends. I've always been a cuddler, but the hand on my back thing is NOT ME! My instinct is to arch my back...which unfortunately I did several times during Billy's stint behind me! I literally thought I was going to die. Ok grant it, this blog is filled with hyperbole...if you haven't figured that out by now, you've not really been reading! 

Today's encounter with Billy...

So Billy has been around language for almost everyday now. My tutor and I decided to start having language in the mornings...sans Billy. Billy heard this (about the change, not because of him. I sound mean, but give me just an ounce of credit!) Today was our official start to studying in the morning. I started at 9 and would leave at 12, just before Billy came into work. There are also less people around as a whole in the morning, since I do in fact study in a shop and not a school.

Apparently Billy likes me, and did NOT like the idea of me coming when he was not there. How does one fix that? Well, Billy showed up about 9:45. My tutor, who is probably the nicest guy I've ever met, just stared at Billy for about 1 whole minute before he even opened his mouth. I stared as well. Billy laughed. My tutor asked Billy why he was there, and Billy continued to laugh. I'm fairly confident he told him to go away and come back after 12. Billy just stood there. That's when my tutor and I both noticed Billy's pants. 

Billy's pants were drenched. As a matter of fact, they were so wet that they were leaving a trail and puddling up around Billy's feet. I'm thinking, "Did Billy go swimming? Did he fall in a lake? Did he get caught by someone's hose? Why is he wet?" That's about the time my tutor started yelling. I was in shock, I've never seen my tutor get upset ever. Trust me...I've given him reason!! 

After the yelling, Billy finally trudged off back towards home. We continued what we were doing and my tutor kept eyeing the puddle. He finally had enough. Apparently he's got a little OCD. I know where he's coming from!! My tutor looked at me and said "Break!" only he said it in his language. He motioned for me to stay in the shop, not on the walkway/balcony where Billy had been. He then got a bucket of water and doused the balcony. That's when it hit...BILLY HAD COME AND WET HIS PANTS!!

Life is never dull here! Let me again say, I'm not making fun of Billy at all! My tutor is helping him out a lot and I am very thankful for that. Patience is indeed a virtue, but one I unfortunately lack! These stories are simply to help you laugh at me!  

Death of a Nation: Orange Peel

Well this has been a long week due to several days of unexpected culture shock issues. I have a whole sob story about the really bad day I had Tuesday, but I will spare you those details! I do want to share with you what happened today on the bus...

So, I'm sitting on the bus eating several mandarin oranges. I was by the window, so when I would peel the orange I would throw the peel outside of the window. I would do that in America as well. Orange peel is biodegradable! 

I GOT YELLED AT!! This man sitting across the aisle on the mostly empty bus started yelling and pointing to the trash can and mocking my "throwing out the window" motion! Can you believe that!?!? I have seen THREE (3) people use the trash can on the bus for anything since I've been here and I am one of them! This is a place who's children wear split pants and use the bathroom...both 1 and 2...on the streets. This is a place who's streets/sidewalks are so filthy that it is REQUIRED that you take your shows off inside. This is a place where dirt and muck is EVERYWHERE. This is a place who's smell stays with you for WEEKS upon departure. This is a place who's humans SMELL TERRIBLE at any temperature about 70 for certain and most any other temperature to be honest. This is a place who's public bathrooms are like walking into a sewer! 

But for goodness sake's, throw a peel out the window and certainly the country will cease to exist!

My Manhood Questioned

Asians love the NBA. 

I do not love the NBA.

Asians know all the great players of the NBA.

I respond with "Yao Ming and Kobe Bryant" because those are the favored players.

Today, I'm standing outside my tutor's shop and a nearby shop owner runs up to me and says, "OOO today NBA Allstar!!!" I resonded, "huh?" So apparently, the NBA allstar game is happening sometime soon somewhere in the world. I had no clue. I'm fairly sure this guy thinks that I am not a man. Oh well! I will learn about the NBA when Asia learns about FOOTBALL, not soccer or futbol!!

25 Random Things

Ok, so there's this phenomenon taking place on Facebook where you post 25 random things about yourself in a note and then tag others to do the same for themselves. At first, I was vehemently against it, but alas, I have given into peer pressure and have decided to post it here. It's like my way of hiding my 25 things if I do it on here rather than Facebook. So anyway, here goes...

1. I love to travel. I suppose that's a given, but really, I love it and want to continue seeing the world for the rest of my life.

2. Living overseas produces the weirdest desires. For instance, currently I REALLY want to sit on carpet and eat Chik-fil-a. I miss carpet, and while initially that makes me feel weird, I really do it miss it in spite of the weirdness. As far as the Chik-fil-a goes, I'm going to get fat on it when I go back to the States!!

3. I walked into an IKEA last week and smiled and giggled the whole way through. I promise I still like women.

4. I am currently in the process of teaching myself how to be a better cook and make things from scratch. The making things from scratch is out of necessity. The better cook is out of a love for food.

5. To go along with #4, I have learned in recent weeks that Americans live to eat and Asians eat to live. You can taste it in home cooking in both places.

6. I sometimes sit and ponder clothes I want to buy when I move back home. Even I agree that this is sad and can't for the life of me figure out why I'm proclaiming this to the world.

7. I'm on a hardcore search for a bookshelf and table. My apartment feels semi-naked.

8. One of the things I want to do when I go home is buy a beagle, name him Pang, and teach him to obey commands in both of the languages I will (hopefully) speak by then.

9. The one person I probably miss the most is the one person I've never met: my niece Kennedy.

10. I'm ready for football season to begin. I find this odd since, in reality, I will probably be able to view less than half of the games.

11. I found out that I can download LOST really late at night. It made me gleeful!

12. If I were to never hear or see a firework again, I probably wouldn't be sad. I've seen enough in the past 2 weeks to fill that need forever I think.

13. I miss Union University and sometimes have to remind myself it's not actually my home. Although at any given point I might argue with you on that.

14. I paid $60 for Crocs 2 weeks ago that are made out of foam and canvas. It's like walking on love when I put them on my feet and completely justifies every penny.

15. Sometimes, when people look at me and talk in their local language, I completely lose the ability to respond in any language, much less their own.

16. Living alone has taught me a lot about myself as a person. 

17. When I have a really bad day I eat at McDonald's. This might be my last choice at home. 

18. I have become an avid blog reader over the past few months. I feel like people say things on blogs that they may never say out loud.

19. I come up with camp ideas for WJBC children's camp all the time. It's like a disease.

20. I do my best thinking on the public buses. It makes it difficult to write my thoughts down so that I will remember them due to the fact that it's not exactly the smoothest ride.

21. There's 1 person in my life who, when I talk to them, most bad things go away.

22. I like playing with rubber bands. I don't remember a time in my life when I didn't. I now realize you're judging me.

23. If I could choose any talent it would be singing. 

24. My favorite drink in the world is Dr. Pepper. I haven't had one since December. I always thought Mt. Dew was my favorite. It's weird realizing you've lived a lie.

25. I started losing interest in this at #15. I'm surprised I made it through!

If you've gotten this far in my blog, I'm impressed and you should probably get back to work!

Lunar New Year Part 3: A Look at the Most Important Holiday in Asia

Well, I decided to make my Lunar New Year posts a 3 part event. You've already heard my initial (and not so happy) thoughts and my pre-warning of what to expect. So, as promised, here is my "un"biased description of Lunar New Year:

By far, Lunar New Year is the most important holiday in Asian culture. While the New Year itself is only 1 day, celebrations last for a month. It's actually very similar to the way we celebrate Christmas from Thanksgiving through the real new year. There are tons of parties and celebrations, decorations, gifts, and like every good culture: FOOD! 

I was very shocked, actually, to realize just how much time was taken to celebrate the new year. Some stores began closing as much as a week early, most 2 days early, and probably 98% closed on New Year's eve. If you're ever planning on being in country, make sure you plan ahead! Schools also close in plenty of time for the holidays. Most colleges and universities ended the semester 1-2 weeks prior to the holiday, and schools for children closed around a week before.

During the holiday, almost everyone is traveling. It's tradition that you travel back to your home town to celebrate. This, of course, is so that you can be near your ancestors to sacrifice food and offerings to them so that you will have a lucky year. About a week out I began noticing less people in my apartment complex. Since I live in a fairly big city (although, it's small compared to many), many of those living in my complex left for their hometowns. I actually had to travel ON New Year's day and was worried about the crowds. It was all in vain! Apparently VERY FEW travel on the actual day. From the time I walked in the airport door to the time I sat down at my gate was about 7 minutes!

Once everyone is finished traveling and at their celebration location it's time for the fun and fireworks. Now that I'm a few weeks away from the ordeal I can talk about it alittle nicer, but I promise there were more fireworks than I've ever seen/heard in my life combined! Within minutes of midnight smoked filled the city and visibility was probably only 20-30 feet. It was insane!!

I must confess that I didn't really celebrate at all because I was busy getting ready to head out of town. Honestly though, it doesn't upset me!! Next year's Lunar New Year is February the 14th. Mark it down now. I'll be traveling if I can help it!!

Lunar New Year Part 2: Pre-New Year Warnings

Heading into Lunar New Year/Spring Festival, I was quite unaware of what to expect. My tutor asked me if I would be staying in my city New Year's eve into New Year's day. When I told him yes, he responded, "Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!" complete with hand motions. I believe my response was rolling my eyes and not knowing what to believe. His response proved more true than I ever imagined! 

My next post will give my somewhat (but not really) unbiased account of New Years and how I celebrated (???). 

Lunar New Year Part 1

Note to self: Stay away from Asia during Lunar New Year. 

There are not enough words in the English language to describe the fireworks here in Asia at midnight on Lunar New Year. It's 12:42. There has been no more that 2 sec of silence in the last hour. I'm almost certain I've been near death numerous times. I will write more later when I'm back to loving life...

I Deserve a Cookie

That's right my wonderful blog readers. I had a completely successful, not even a minor glitch, experience with the squatty potty today. I don't even care that this post makes me 3...

Celebrations in the Middle Kingdom

Well, ladies and gents, Spring Festival/New Year is just 1 week away and my local friends are already gearing up for it. Asia has never been more Asia, at least while I've been here! For your reading pleasure I have decided to post the top 10 signs you know Spring Festival is headed your way.

1. Roadside stands have popped up every 30.7 feet selling the most beautiful decorations one could imagine. By beautiful, I do mean tacky and almost unbearable! 

2. There are people everywhere. I know what you're thinking, "With 1.3 billion people, aren't there always people everywhere?" While that statement is indeed true, I promise you there are more people than I've ever seen. No school and some have started having less work. It's nuts.

3. Drinking games...people here love vodka and what's better than a drinking game with your vodka. There are always some drunks somewhere drinking, but, oh wow, I've REALLY started to notice it. 

4. Pizza Hut is packed! Some friends and I went to the Hut this past Friday night and by the time we left it was jam packed (it hardly ever is)! People love to eat during this time of the year, and many people spend more money. P.S. you all should know that salad bar trips are 1 time only here, thus getting salad is really a work of art. I will attempt to explain in a later post!

5. Red lanterns...they are everywhere!

6. Bus stations, train stations, and airports are jammed packed as everyone is starting to travel home for the festival

7. TONS of candy...all the aisles in my grocery store are devoted to candy it seems. Apparently this sugary goodness is quite necessary for the festival.

8. Bulls...everywhere. The new year is the year of the bull. You can get any size or type of bull you would want. Last week a friend and I were on the bus and saw a man on a bicycle cart hauling a bull sculpture...like the famous one wherever it is (New York?). It was huge, really, probably bigger than a car and he was definitely hauling it on a bicycle cart. 

9. Sales and bargains at every store. People here love a good bargain. 

10. FIREWORKS! So, leave it to the place that invented the suckers to use them more than anyone else. They ward off demons, scare the mess out of foreigns, and provide hours of joyous melody for the ears. Although it's still a week away, most people are attempting to do a test run of their fireworks display to take place on New Year's Eve. When my tutor asked if I would be here for New Years and I told him yes, his response was something like, "BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!!!!!!!" My response was something like rolling my eyes and wondering if Tylenol PM exists here!!

Strange Noises

So, I'm horrible at the blog thing. In an effort to attempt to get back to blogging somewhat regularly I will let you in on the sounds I'm hearing as I sit here in my apartment.

1. Someone is banging the mess out of a wall, dead animal, or something using a very large beating device.

2. Asian Opera...think about the worst sound in the world and then go 2 steps further.

3. Traffic completely with bus brakes (WD40? HA!!) and horns. Man they love horns here!!

4. Construction 24/7 out the back. 

I can get used to the banging and the traffic. Personally though, I would really like to strangle the opera, but it would appear that that is currently happening!!