Tuesday, November 10, 2009

52 Things You Don't Experience in America (Part 3)

Dear Kat and other blog fans. I'm sorry that I haven't kept up with this as promised. Please enjoy and forgive me for my lack of diligence in the blogosphere!

27. Moon cakes: around the beginning of October is Mid-Autumn festival. It's something to do with the moon and something, but mostly it's just a time for families to get together and eat. During MAF, people give their friends and family moon cakes. These are small tasteless cake like things with gross stuff in the middle. There is a LOT of lard and other goo in the ingredients. The fillings can be a mixture of different things. Some fillings are: fruit, nuts, meat, fish, and various and sundry pastes made out of various and sundry flora and fauna. Many moon cakes have an egg yolk in the middle of them to represent the moon. The closest thing in America to moon cakes is fruit cakes. Somehow you always get them, but who in the world eats them???

28. Fake KFC: any small town worth it's rice crop here has a fake KFC. Some are SKETCHY and some are rather nice. I've seen MFC, DFC, McKonkey's, Dinko's, and many more. If you ever find yourself at one, it's probably safest to go with the fried chicken sandwich. More often than not, the ice cream is pretty good as well.

29. Overnight trains and buses: I'm willing to bet that most readers of this blog who live in America but haven't done extensive or cheap traveling around the globe have never ridden on an overnight train or an overnight bus. There are more people who use trains here than any other country in the world. Now, grant it, there are more people in this country than any other place in the world, but that's beside the point. You probably aren't surprised by overnight trains, but have you ever seen an overnight bus with beds? It's actually quite nice. You step into the bus, remove your shoes and then there are bunk beds up and down the bus. Some are 3 rows of beds and others are just 2 rows of beds with both kinds having a top and a bottom bunk. It's fairly easy to sleep on an overnight train because it gets into a rhythm fairly quickly. To sleep on an overnight bus, I have to be nearly dead. Either way, it's an experience!

30. Parks that won't let you use the grass: most of the time, unless there's a special event, many parks do not want you playing sports on the grass. This could be why they don't play American football. Afterall, would you want to get tackled on the cement sidewalk? Why will they not let you play on the grass? Who the heck knows, my guess is that using the grass to have fun is the most logical thing, so clearly the rule has to be the opposite.

31. Dryer-less lives: Does anyone that's not Amish not have a dryer in America? My dryer here consists of a balcony and a piece of rope. It's horrid for the following reasons a) this country has a smell all it's on, so hanging your clothes outside is detrimental to your nose b) at certain times, the humidity is roughly 178% and that makes drying almost impossible c) your clothes do not lose their wrinkles like the majority of clothes do in the dryer. I have 3 reasons for wanting a decent paycheck when I move back to America: food, car, dryer. I maybe living in my car, but darn it, I'm gonna have a dryer!

32. Service with a smile: while this still exists in pockets in America, the last time I was there it was a rarity. Here, bad service is a rarity. I have been blown away at what people will do and how far they will go out of their way to serve whether that's at a restaurant, hotel, or almost anything else. Plus, they do all this with no tipping. Excellent.

33. Massage places: I mentioned in an earlier post that haircuts come with a massage, but there are also places you can go to get full body massages for just a few dollars. The place I go to is what we refer to as the "blind massage place" because a majority of the workers are blind. While this sounds creepy, it's actually some of the best massages I've ever had and it's not sketch at all (like say, when you get a massage in Thailand!).

34. Hot water when it's cold: In America, when the weather changes and you go to a restaurant that serves water first, it's always cold. Why else would it not be? Culturally, it's believed here that if you drink cold things when the weather is the least bit cool to freezing, then you will get very sick. Thus... as soon as the weather drops it's hot water! When I came before I thought this was odd. Today I went to a restaurant and ordered some food to go. They gave me a glass of hot water as I waited. I was so happy for it. I'm becoming quirky and I'm scared...

35. Genuine imitation clothing: Any market, or man with a blanket on the sidewalk, usually sells knock off name brand clothes. With just a small amount of love and care you can keep these imitations for just as long as the real thing and no one will ever know! If you're REALLY lucky then you can find "for import" clothes that are messed up, but still more than wearable. For instance, I own a pair of "Caivin Kien" jeans!

36. Sketch hotels: So... there's this hotel here that's showers are clear, and in the middle of the room. I personally have never seen these, but have heard from many witnesses. As far as I can tell, you walk into the room, and there, in the middle of the room is this clear glass case like thing with a shower inside. It's one thing to shower in a gym locker room... it's a whole other ball game when you're the only one showering like you were a monkey in a zoo.

37. Sweets that aren't sweet: When you walk in the bakery and check out the cakes and other pastries it is a delight. The real problem begins though when you bite into it. There is a tremendous lack of sugar. There's a Friend's episode where Monica gets a job creating recipes for a new product called "Mocolate," a synthetic chocolate. When Phoebe takes a bite of Monica's mocolate chip cookies she says, "Ew! This is what evil must taste like!" I think about that all the time when I bite into these unsweet cakes or pastries.

38. Ladies playing the gourd on the corner to make money: No lie, there's a lady that sits on the corner 2 blocks up that plays the gourd. She's high class... it has a microphone and everything. Sometimes I wish I had majored in gourd in college. I think living life as a gourdist would be extravagant. Without question, your Christmas party would play my gourd tunes just after Kenny G's.

39. Banks without lines: When you use the bank here you take a number. It's really great, actually, because it means that you can go to the "next available counter." It's also a wonderful way to learn numbers. Where else are you going to learn to count to 2378?

4 comments:

Kat said...

That blind massage parlor sounds super interesting. I bet they give awesome massages due to heightened tactile sensitivity. PS- I love the friends reference!

Unknown said...

I've heard of people warming up cans of food on their engine bloc in their car. Maybe if you just get a car you can put the clothes in there and use that as a dryer...? Kill 2 birds with one stone?

Anonymous said...

nate. you're killing me! wheres the rest of the list!

Hannah said...

Nate, all of these made me laugh, but the gourd thing made me laugh out loud. Love it!