52 Things You Don't Experience in America (Part 1)

Well, I've lived in this country for a year now! In honor of that, I thought I'd make a list of things you don't experience in America. I'll give you 52, one for each week I've been here. They don't coincide with the weeks... I just didn't want to make a list of 100, so I'll give you 52 in no order. I have ADHD, so it'll be in parts. Here's the first 13...

1. Squatty Potties: If you think toilets are the same all over the world, you don't know squat!! In the majority of the world, toilets are mere holes in the floor. Some are rather nice, made of porcelain, and flush. Others, say in villages and such, are holes in the ground next to the pig sties. Here's a few tips to using the squatter...

1) DON'T SIT ON THE SQUATTY!!

2) Do squat exercises starting at least 2 months prior to leaving America. It's not easy!!

3) Work on your built in body compass. You've GOT to make sure both holes involved line up.

4) Figure out what to do with your pants now! You DON'T want them to touch the floor, and you DEFINITELY DON'T want to miss the squatty and hit your pants. When all else fails, rip those suckers off (Yes, I've squattied pantsless!!)

5) If you're a man, load up on pepto and imodium. With any luck, you'll only have to stand, not squat!

2. Lunar New Year Fireworks: I know what you're thinking, "Come on man, we have fireworks here." Oh you do, do you? At the stroke of midnight on Lunar New Year's Eve 1.6 billion people set off fireworks. By 12:05 AM, you cannot see 10 feet in front of you due to the smoke. There are more fireworks shot off here, than America has seen on every 4th of July combined since July 4th, 1776.

3. Split Pants: Diapers are a rarity here. Within a few months of a child's life, families begin "potty training," so to speak. All children (toddler and younger) wear clothes with splits in the appropriate places. When the parents think it's time to go, they hold the baby, spread it's legs, and go "ssssssssssssssssssss" in the baby's ear. In turn, the baby goes. This can take place ANYWHERE. Over the squatty, on the sidewalk, anywhere. When I say ANYWHERE, I mean it. I've even seen a child pee in a plastic bag on a city bus. Split pants are worn all year too. It's actually quite sad to see a child all bundled up in the winter and then their little hinies red from the cold.

4. Shower heads w/o stalls: More often than not, the "shower" is simply a faucet on the wall. The bathroom gets soaked. I've lived here long enough, that if the bathroom is not soaked in the morning when I'm getting ready, it just doesn't feel right.

5. Bamboo scaffolding: It's everywhere! Unless a high rise is being built, most of the time, the scaffolding is made out of bamboo. There's a weight limit though: 140 lbs!

6. The wet market: This is another experience that happens all over the world. The easiest way to describe this is to get you to picture the farmer's market. Now, soak the floor (or ground down), multiply the people by a few hundred, and add dead animal carcasses. There's nothing like fresh produce and meat, but it is gross! For a fun description of an experience I had at the wet market, read my Chicken Lady post.

7. 7th story apartment without an elevator: Enough said! Is this even legal in America?

8. No central heating and air: We do have wall units that are similar to window units. I live in the deep south, so heat is rare, but I do personally have heat.

9. Concrete... everything: Here, the main material used in building houses is concrete. The floors, the walls, the ceilings, everything is concrete. Laminate flooring and some paint is added, but everything is still mostly concrete. It TRAPS the cold like nobody's business. Want to hang a picture? Be prepared to drill or hammer for HOURS. But hey, you're pretty safe in a fire, which is good for New Years when they set off fireworks in the stairwells.

10. 1.6 billion bicycles: They even have their own lane, but that doesn't matter. Why? Well, let me tell you, dear blog reader. Let me begin by stating that there are 2 types of bicycles, regular and electric. Electric bicycle owners unfortunately think they have the option of deciding when their electric bike is a mere bicycle, and when it is an automobile. During peak traffic times, bicyclers ride on the sidewalk. Electric bicyclers FLY down the sidewalk blaring their horn. IT'S THE SIDEWALK PEOPLE!!! AS IN, THAT THING THAT WE WALK ON TO THE SIDE OF THE STREET!!!!

11. Rice: Again, I realize you have rice in America. But do you have it everyday, 3 times a day? Thankfully rice tastes better on chopsticks, and sometimes, when you're craving 2000 of something, rice is the only thing that's feasible.

12. Sketchy internet: Stop complaining about all that high speed stuff you've got across the pond.

13. Hair cut/Massage combo: I've discussed this before, but hair cuts involve 2 shampoos AND a massage. Oh man... is there a better way to spend $3.00???

Check back later for Part 2!!